Via the local NBC affiliate, Anchorage, Alaska woman Nikki Abrell was arrested after...well...a lot of things. Apparently, Abrell first locked herself in the bathroom for two hours and refused to come out. When she finally did come out, she was naked and in a mood to re-enact the opening scene from Apocalypse Now, breaking furniture, ripping down ceiling tiles, throwing food around the restaurant, and, in the words of one eyewitness, “smearing feces all over stuff.”

Employees fled outside while Abrell continued to go full “IT’S A RAMPAGE, LANA.” The police were quickly called, at which point Abrell apparently decided the best play was to try to fight them. She did not win, and is now in custody. Police believed Abrell was under the influence of some sort of substance, though it’s unclear specifically which drugs she was on at the time (all of them?). Another source claims police believed her to be on synthetic marijuana (the specific term they used was “spice,” which I had never actually heard of until tonight).

At the very least, it’s unlikely any other customers were able to eat at the Subway that night, which means that Abrell’s actions really should be considered something of a public service.

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